Recently I started sending chapters of my novel to a group
of people I call my Guinea Pigs. In actuality, these are just my closest
friends – the people I trust the most and feel most comfortable sharing my work
with at this stage. However, it’s not easy, and for me, this editing seems to
have brought on what many people refer to as writer’s block.
But before I get into that, let’s see where I’m at with this
novel of mine. I did, miraculously, manage to complete Camp NaNoWriMo this past
July (see my stats here), but in doing so I did not get anywhere near finishing
the first draft of my sequel. I got so stuck with it that I decided it would be
both easier and more beneficial for my writing if I were to instead write the
second draft of my first draft (also my laptop spent six days out of my reach
having a virus removed, so by the time I got it back, I had to write FAST,
which I really couldn’t do with the amount of inspiration I was getting for the
sequel). So, at the end of July’s Camp NaNoWriMo, I had a complete mess of a
beginning of a sequel, and the first four chapters of the second draft of the
first book.
Since then, I have edited the prologue plus one of those
first four chapters and sent both off to my Guinea Pigs. After editing Chapter
One about a week ago, however, I got writer’s block.
I say that like it struck me like lightning and I had to
spend the week in bed with flu-like symptoms because of it. Of course, that is
not the case. Writer’s block is not a disease; it affects different writers in
different ways and for different reasons, and it won’t even be the same for
each writer every time they get it. See this tumblr post for more on this.
In the past, I’ve had writer’s block from simply being
uninspired. This time, though, it was decidedly anxiety-induced.
After sending Chapter One out to my Guinea Pigs, I started
editing Chapter Two, but I couldn’t finish for the feeling of impending doom
lying heavy on my shoulders. It suddenly struck me just how long a project this
was, and how serious it was getting: I was writing draft two, and sending it
out for other people to read! It is
very rare for me to ever have finished a writing project, and I’ve certainly
never gone back and completely rewritten one before, so this is the closest
I’ve ever been to having a manuscript that is ready to send out to agents. This
thought brought on even more fear: if I can’t deal with having my closest friends reading my writing, how
will I ever be able to cope with getting anything published? What if I can’t achieve my lifelong dream?
It didn’t really help that I can be a bit of a
perfectionist, and was worrying over whether any of this was worth my time
anyway if it would never be perfect. Just thinking of continuing writing makes me want to hide from the world and all my responsibilities.
I decided the best way to overcome this was to take a break
for a few days, and not force myself to write when I felt unable to do so. I've ended up consciously taking over a week off from writing my novel (I say "consciously" because often I just won't find time to write for this length of time or longer). On one hand, I could say that it has worked: when I do think about it (no use thinking about something that makes you feel like crap, right?), I feel a little better about it, and I have started writing again. On the other hand, what I have been writing is not my novel, and even if it was, this would definitely not be a permanent solution. The anxiety only comes back and then I'd have to take another break lasting a week or two. It could take years to get this novel done in this way, never mind its sequels.
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